


Los Caminos de la Vida

by majolination



Category: La Casa de las Flores | The House of Flowers (TV)
Genre: F/F, there's more characters but let's be real those are the three important ones, this should be in spanish but i sound like a first-grader so we're doing english i'm sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-08-15
Packaged: 2021-03-02 18:35:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,169
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24131440
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/majolination/pseuds/majolination
Summary: Paulina de la Mora didn't think she would see her ex-wife again because her father was in prison, or that she would end up marrying her a second time.But then again, it's not like she thought the love of her life would stroll into her family's flower shop the one afternoon her mother left her in charge of it, or that there would be major realizations, crazy relatives, or police chases along the way.And it's not like she regrets any of it.
Relationships: Paulina de la Mora/María José Riquelme
Comments: 23
Kudos: 53





	1. one

**BEFORE**

Paulina had never believed in fate, but if she had to pick one moment that made her question that belief, it was that Virgina had left just before the young man entered the florería. It had been a quiet afternoon, one of those where having the two of them there felt unnecessary because of the lack of customers. She knew this was the only reason her mother had felt comfortable leaving her 18-year-old daughter there to run the shop alone, not that there was much to run. Paulina had walked around for a couple of minutes, feeling proud she was here alone, and bored for the very same reason. But just as she was rearranging some roses, he entered and shouted “Hola?”, causing her to drive a thorn into her finger. If her mother had been here, she would have rushed over to help him, happy to finally have a customer and too _Virginia_ to take the risk of letting her inexperienced daughter interact with the only person who had walked in in hours. But Virginia wasn’t here, and so the customer didn’t have the option to ask her mother for help when he heard Paulina curse or when she chose to ignore Virginia’s advice to always take the thorn out right away or when it took her a second to greet him because she was too distracted by his piercingly light eyes. He was standing right in the sunlight coming in through the window like that was where he was meant to stand, with his curly hair and that smirk on his face.

“Would you like some help with that?” he asked and pointed to her finger before she could ask the same of him (which she should, since _she_ was supposed to be helping _him_ ). She shook her head no, still unable to say anything, because there was at least a 75 percent chance she would faint if he came any closer to her. God, her life would be so much easier if she felt like this about the rich boys that had started “dropping by” ever since her birthday, with Virginia conveniently having her abuela’s ring ready to show them.

“I’m fine,” she finally managed to say. “So you’re from Spain?”

He laughed. “I really need to work on my Mexican accent if you can tell from a single sentence. I’m José María.”

“Paulina de la Mora. And it’s you guys who have the accent,” she said, mocking him by adding a couple lisps. _A-thento_. His laugh was followed by what felt like the entirety of her blood shooting to her face and an awkward silence, both of them desperately searching for something to say but finding nothing. Paulina felt José María’s eyes on her face as he smiled at her, which didn’t exactly stop her face from burning. She cleared her throat.

“Anyway. What can I help you with?” she finally asked and she could almost hear her mother sigh with relief that she had finally asked the customer what he wanted and not driven him away.

“My parents are coming to visit from Spain and I was going to get some flowers for them.”

“Let’s see what we have,” Paulina said and gestured for him to follow her as she walked through the flower shop to look for something appropriate. “So what are you doing in Mexico?” she asked to keep the conversation going. Rule number 1 if you want to keep a customer coming back, according to Virginia. Conversation. And Paulina had to admit she would be happy to see this particular customer again, even if it was just to stare at his eyes and forget how to speak.

“I just started studying to be a lawyer here.”

“So your parents want to make sure you’ve settled in alright on the other side of the world?”

“Exactly.” José María paused for a moment, watching Paulina do her work and place a couple arrangements on a table for him to pick from. “Maybe I should bring them here so you can work on your Spanish accent.”

She laughed, unsure of what to say because even though she knew he was joking, part of her was hoping he wasn’t. _Please do come back_ , she wanted to say, but instead, she just cleared her throat and asked him which one of the arrangements he liked best. It was time to be professional. Her mother had left her in charge of the florería for today, a rare opportunity, and she wasn’t going to risk her future because of a crush on a Spaniard with curly hair. Then again, she had already been willing to ignore other things her mother had told her, as the thorn that was still stuck in her finger and stinging like hell went to prove.

**AFTER**

The habit of talking to strangers is something Paulina learned from selling flowers for a living. She has to talk to people she doesn’t know every day, so rambling to a stranger about how nervous she is to see her ex again feels like the most normal thing in the world, even though she has never seen the guy standing next to her at the airport. He probably isn’t waiting for someone he isn’t even sure what to call. Ex-husband or ex-wife? José María or María José? Father or mother of her child? Only person she ever threw an ashtray at or lawyer who’s here to get her dad out of prison? She’s still struggling to figure out a greeting that doesn’t give away how nervous she is or brings up any negative memories when the guy she’s been telling the entire backstory of her divorce to leaves, visibly relieved that the girl he was waiting for has finally arrived.

She notices her ex-wife as soon as she sees her, and even though last night her brain kept playing all the ugly stuff that happened between them, now that she sees her, she can’t escape all the good memories that come flooding in. Hands gripping each other, soft lips on her forehead, nights sneaking out of the house, legs intertwined, happy laughter, a hand against the small of her back or gripping her waist. _María José_ , Paulina’s brain goes, even though she can’t help but shout “José María” to get her attention, the name so familiar in her mouth. And oh, her eyes pierce right through her as María José takes off her sunglasses, making her heart skip a beat just like they always have.

She hasn’t been this nervous in a long time, but seeing the person you used to be married to and haven’t seen in years will do that to you. Or at least that’s what she assumes. She barely registers what María José is saying to her because her voice sounds so familiar but carries a hint of something different. Because she goes in for that second kiss out of habit, just as she always did when the two of them first met. Because she’s taller now that she’s wearing heels but her mouth still curves the same way when she smiles at Paulina. Because the electricity rushing through her when their hands brush against each other is a thousand times stronger than in any of the scenarios of the two of them meeting again that Paulina imagined.

She has thought about this moment so much, thinking she would want to scream at her ex or confront her about just leaving her with Bruno, but now that she’s here, all she can think about is how happy her son is going to be to see his mother in Mexico again. She never imagined the next time she would see María José, her father would be in prison, but even though her life has been turned upside down and even though her ex looks different than she used to, she still has that way about her. That way of making her feel like things are going to be okay even when everything seems to be going to shit.

Paulina takes a deep breath and her nervosity starts to settle as the two of them walk towards the exit together.

_It’s good to have a lawyer by my side._

_Someone familiar by my side._

_María José by my side._


	2. two

**BEFORE**

Paulina had been even more focused on selling flowers than she usually was, trying to distract herself from the fact that she was still thinking about a random guy she had talked to for about ten minutes. However, she had figured out this wasn’t the right way to approach her problem since she kept stealing glances at the door, hoping José María would do what he had joked about and bring his parents. Needless to say, he didn’t, and after a month she gave up hope, sure that his parents had returned to Spain, the flowers she had sold him had withered, and he had forgotten about her. Knowing she should probably try to forget about him too, she happily accepted when her friends Naty and Daniela invited her to a party that one of their new classmates at university was having. They had grown apart a little after finishing school and not seeing each other every day anymore. The whole Tafil disaster, as her mother liked to call it, hadn’t exactly helped. But Paulina had gotten used to her new reality, and since she felt ready to see her friends again and this party seemed like a good opportunity to forget about serious things and a certain Spaniard for a while, she found herself sneaking out of a window and on her way to the address Naty had given her after dinner.

\---

“I’m going to go get some air,” Paulina shouted in her friend’s ear a couple hours later, hoping she could understand her over the loud music that was playing. Happy to escape from being trapped between people’s sweaty bodies for a little while, she made her way past people and out into the garden of this unfamiliar house. There were a couple people here and there, having conversations or making out or smoking, but it was nothing like inside. She walked over to a quiet corner of the garden, where she was happy to find a bench slightly hidden behind some bushes but surprised to see that the plants had also hidden the person sitting there. Just as she was about to walk away and find some privacy, the silhouette of the boy, without turning around, said, “You can sit if you want,” and she froze in her steps. Of course there were more people with Spanish accents in Mexico, but even after a month she hadn’t forgotten that voice.

“José María?” she asked.

“Paulina de la Mora?” 

This time, he did turn around, revealing a bottle of wine in his lap. Paulina’s brain forgot how to function for just a second upon realizing he still remembered her full name. She sat down next to him and just raised her eyebrows when she saw that there was another empty bottle of wine there.

“I didn’t think I was going to see you again. It’s a big city.”

“I wasn’t going to come because I don’t even know any of the med students, but now I’m almost glad my friend dragged me here.” He smiled at her, but Paulina noticed his smile wasn’t as bright as it had been last time.

“Bad day?” she asked as she pointed at the opened bottle of wine that was nestled between his legs.

A sad chuckle escaped his mouth. “More like a bad month.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

It turned out he did want to talk about it. He told her all about how his sister’s mental health had been so bad lately that he’d even gone home for a week because he felt horrible for not being there when she needed him. About how that was the actual reason his parents had visited. About how they kept insisting his sister was staying with relatives when they had really checked her into an institution. About how even though she was slowly getting better now, he didn’t think he was ever going to stop worrying that this would happen again. 

It was probably because of all the wine he had had and because he felt so guilty, but he kept talking for several minutes as Paulina just listened. She could almost feel his eyes on her skin as he looked at her when he finished talking. She took a deep breath.

“That does sound like a horrible month, but to offer you a piece of advice my mother gave me, no matter how much you drink, the pain won’t go away.” Her mother had screamed this piece of advice at her when she had found out Paulina and her friends had been taking pills, and she had kept hearing it for weeks afterwards. This perfectly illustrated why Paulina had a much easier time talking to her father, but Virginia had been right in one point. Her longing to fit in, to grow up, to be like everyone else, hadn’t gone away. Not when Daniela had suggested taking _just one_ after finding the pills in her mother’s room, just to calm their nerves before their exam. Not when they had actually taken it, not when they kept doing it just for the thrill of doing something forbidden, and not now when she needed them to sleep. If anything, Paulina felt like more of an outsider.

José María grabbed the neck of the bottle and placed it on the ground by his feet.

“Thanks. Do _you_ want to talk about why your mother told you that?”

Paulina sighed. “Maybe one day. But I’ve talked it through with so many people, I really just want to stop thinking about it.”

The boy sitting next to her put his hand on hers, making her mind return to the present moment, here on this bench in the middle of the night.

“Do you want to dance instead?”

She paused at his suggestion but agreed after a moment of hesitation. She had come here to forget about things, after all, and apparently, so had José María.

\---

It worked. She forgot about her mother when they entered the house and the music made its way to their ears even from the other room. She forgot about her complicated relationship to those pills as the two of them started to jump up and down wedged between all the other people who had come to dance and forget. She forgot about her friends when José María pulled her closer, his green eyes glowing in the lights as he smiled at her. And she certainly forgot about anything but the taste of wine and sweat on his lips and his hands on her waist as she pulled his face towards hers to kiss him.

**AFTER**

_Cambié de sexo, no de corazón._

Paulina knows there is probably nothing more to it than the possibility of the two of them getting along again after their years apart, but she can’t help but hope that that’s not all María José is talking about when she smiles at her like that. 

The memories come flooding back as soon as their lips touch, with a sense of shyness but still such a familiar sensation. Memories of their first kiss, of their last one, of heated kisses late at night and sleepy kisses on Sunday mornings, of important kisses when they got married and when they found out she was pregnant, and of even more important ones when they left for work or when one of them was sick or little kisses just because. She desperately needs to feel María José’s hands on her waist, but just as she wants to give in to the desire to wrap her hands around her ex-wife’s neck, that little word sets off an alarm in her head. 

_Ex_.

They both stop at the same time, frozen inbetween who they used to be and who they are now by everything that happened in the past five years. There are no words, but they both know to avoid each other’s gaze as they turn in opposite directions and walk away, just as there are no words to describe Paulina’s realization of how much those five years have hurt her. And of how María José being here releases the chaos inside of her, a chaos she has been trying to deal with since the divorce, trying to get used to not being married anymore, trying not to miss the love of her life who she thought didn't exist anymore, not as she had known him. And now that María José is here, Paulina admires all the ways in which she has grown, but she also can’t help but notice all the little reminders of the person she was in love with for so long. No wonder she’s a little confused. Right?

\---

The bed feels too big, like it did so many times over the past few years when Paulina was lying wide awake at night, no longer able to avoid thinking about her ex. Obviously, she got a new bed after María José left. She got rid of a lot of things that were reminders of her, but it didn’t matter because pretty much everything was. They had shared a life after all, not to mention the child they had together.

But this is different. Paulina has felt lost all alone in that bed before, but now María José isn’t on a different continent. The person that she fell asleep next to for years is right in the next room, a thought that makes Paulina’s loneliness even worse. She’s so lonely she just kissed her ex, ignoring all the ugly things that happened between them, she’s so lonely she’s remembering the warmth of her body next to hers when she knows it’s not there. When she knows it’s never going to be there again. 

She’s had countless nights like this before, longing for someone to talk to but knowing the only person she wants to talk to is on the other side of the ocean. Not knowing whether the person she wants to talk to is even still the same person.

There is no way she is sleeping now, so Paulina gets up to get a glass of water. The floor feels cold against her naked feet, the bright light is hurting her eyes, and the fear of waking someone up makes her movements more deliberate and careful as she tries to be as quiet as possible.

The water helps with the thirst but not with the loneliness, not with all the thoughts whirling around in her head after the last couple of days and after tonight. Still, she finishes the glass and turns off the kitchen light, pausing for a moment to look at the city from her window. 

She’s taken back in time when she recognizes the silhouette of a woman sitting just outside. María José is holding what’s left of the wine they had with dinner, her back to the house as she is also admiring the city she lived in for so long. Or maybe cursing it, asking herself why she is back. 

It would be so easy for Paulina to find out. So easy to sit next to her, to ask if she wants to talk about it. She smiles to herself when she remembers how similar this scene is to that one night decades ago. That night when they started talking about serious things even though they barely knew each other. That night when, against all odds, they met again in a city of millions. That night when they first kissed.

But the wind is playing with María José’s hair as if to remind Paulina that a lot has changed. She’s not some teenager at a party anymore, and neither is María José.

So Paulina is extra quiet on her way back to her room to give her ex-wife some space to think. For some reason it comforts her to know that the other woman is also up, also shaken or confused or at least affected by what happened in the kitchen earlier. María José may not be by her side in the same way that she used to be when they were a couple, but that doesn’t mean that she is alone in this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know how frequently I will be updating this since I'm pretty sure I won't be writing a chapter a day anymore. But I'll try to do my best to post at least a chapter a week if I can.


	3. three

**BEFORE**

Things just… happened. Paulina remembered every second of it, she remembered every single time she had made José María laugh, she remembered every single touch and she remembered every single kiss. And yet, time seemed to have flown by and suddenly she was no longer able to avoid thinking about what had been at the back of both their minds all this time. Originally, José María had only planned to stay for a couple of months before returning to Spain, and now that the semester was drawing to a close, Paulina couldn’t help but wonder what was going to happen to them. She had been wanting to ask for weeks, but every time she was about to, the fear of knowing got the better of her. She may not want him to leave, but she also didn’t want to ask him to stay. He had family in Spain, and a family with issues at that. He wasn’t going to change the entire plan to his life because of some girl he had met here, and she wasn’t going to ask him to. 

This was all Paulina had been thinking about, but now her thoughts were brought to an abrupt end when she hit her head as she snuck out the window. She managed to avoid making any sounds, but she was less successful at stifling the scream that escaped her mouth when a voice coming from one of the bushes next to the window asked her if she was okay.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, it’s me,” José María whispered as he walked towards her with a finger on his lips.

“What the _fuck_ are you thinking hiding behind a bush in the middle of the night?” Paulina whispered, holding a hand to her chest as her breathing slowed. 

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t put any thought into what this was going to look like. I just really wanted to see you, so I waited outside because sneaking through your house in the middle of the night isn’t exactly how I want to officially meet your mother.”

Paulina smiled at the thought of it. He had come to the flower shop so many times, buying flowers he didn’t need from Virginia just so he could slip Paulina little notes about whether she wanted to come to this party next week or to his dorm tonight or to meet his friends. Her mother seemed to like him, but Paulina wasn’t sure the same would still be true if she found out they were dating, especially if she found out by catching him in her house at night.

“That’s very sweet of you, but aren’t we supposed to meet in an hour anyway?”

“Yes, but I have something important to tell you.”

“Well, let’s hear it.”

José María took her hand and came closer to her. His lips were curling into a smile just inches from hers, but she could tell he was nervous from his breathing, which was just a little faster than normal, and from his hand, which was clutching hers just a little too tight.

“I’m staying for another semester.”

Paulina couldn’t help but smile and plant a quick kiss on his lips.

“You are?”

“I am. I know we haven’t been seeing each other long, but I at least want to see where this could go before I decide whether I go back to Spain.”

She gently took his face in her hands and smiled at him.

“I’m really glad I won’t have to chase after you at the airport.”

“Hold up, that’s kind of romantic though.”

“Too late. You missed your chance.”

José María laughed quietly, slowly wrapping his hands around her waist as Paulina closed the distance between their lips. It wasn’t just his breathing that was faster than normal now. Paulina could feel her heart run wild in her chest and her breath grow hotter with every touch her body registered. Her torso against his, her hand finding its way underneath his shirt, the cold against her back as he pinned her to the wall of the house.

Gathering all of her willpower, she brought her hand between them, causing José María to pull back, looking at her with those green eyes that looked even better at night.

“Do you want to stop?”

“Not really. Do you want to see my bedroom?”

**AFTER**

It _is_ kind of romantic, Paulina realizes after having chased after María José at the airport now, years later. Or it would have been, if this were actually one of those moments and her ex-wife had decided to stay. But this is real life, and Paulina actually admires the woman she is still so in love with for not just agreeing and making the same mistakes they made years ago. Sure, they have both changed, but there is no way they can try being in a relationship again if they don’t acknowledge that, in a lot of ways, they haven’t. 

It has been a crazy day with her mother selling the flower shop, but the only thing Paulina can think about as she sits on the sofa back at their house is what is going to happen to María José and her. She feels like she’s been thrown back in time, hoping desperately that her ex will stay in Mexico longer than she planned. At least this time, she had the courage to ask her to. And María José agreed to push her flight back just a couple of days so they would have time to talk things over, to decide what they want to do now, to see if their relationship could go anywhere. Again.

\---

María José hands her a glass of red wine as she comes back from the kitchen and sits down on the sofa next to Paulina. After an awkward dinner with the three of them sitting at the table, all hoping there would be more dinners together, she and her ex-wife have spent hours talking. Trying to figure out how to avoid running into the same problems that destroyed their relationship years ago, because María José’s coming out was really only what brought everything else to the surface. Paulina takes a big sip of her wine and the woman sitting next to her does the same. They remain silent for a while, the quiet filled with the uncertainty surrounding their relationship.

“I guess I just need to know that you’re serious, Paulina. I need to know we’ll both genuinely try to do better with each other.”

Paulina almost chokes on her wine as an idea crosses her mind. It is something she wouldn’t even have considered a couple weeks ago, but then again, she didn’t know she would fall in love with María José again a couple weeks ago. She takes a deep breath, and the fact that the words even leave her mouth proves that she has changed at least a little. Hopefully enough to make this work again.

“I’ll move to Madrid with you.”

María José laughs as she sets down her glass of wine on the table. “Let’s be serious.”

“I am.”

Paulina smiles at one of the rare times of the other woman being left speechless, unable to find the right words as her brain processes what she just heard.

“Now that the shop is gone, there’s not much keeping me here. We were only able to start our family because you stayed in Mexico for me. So the least I can do to show you how serious I am about you is move to Spain with you.”

Again, Paulina’s words seem to have robbed María José of her ability to speak. She is looking at her with a questioning look in her eyes, her breathing shallow and her hand grasping one of the pillows beside her. Paulina is just about to ask whether she is okay when her ex grabs her by her shoulders and her lips crash into hers. After the initial surprise, Paulina opens her mouth slightly, finally allowing herself to completely lose herself in all the sensations of touching María José the way she has been wanting to. She pulls María José with her as she lies down on the couch and fumbles with the buttons of the other woman’s blouse, eventually getting it off just as the blonde tries to pull Paulina’s green blouse over her head. They sink back into the cushions and into each other, impatient for more clothes to come off but too distracted by each other to start working on the bras just yet. As María José pins Paulina’s hand down behind her head and starts kissing her neck, the brunette lets out a soft moan at this sensation that is so familiar and so new at the same time.

“Mamá?”

While the word makes Paulina freeze in an instant, María José shoots up from the sofa and knocks over the wine on the table in the process.

“Ew! Nevermind,” Bruno mumbles quickly and Paulina hears him run out of the room. She looks up at María José, who is standing in the room almost topless, her face buried in her hands.

“Fuck! I’m not used to having a kid in the house anymore.”

“I’m not used to him being up so late.”

Paulina giggles and gets up, kissing María José on the cheek when she joins her laughter.

“I’m sorry about that,” the blonde says, pointing to the giant red stain on the white carpet.

Paulina smiles. “We won’t need it in Madrid.”

The other woman’s cheeks flush a little more (if that is even possible) as she beams at Paulina. “You’re really serious about this, aren’t you?”

Paulina nods as she slowly comes closer, her hands brushing over the blonde’s hips and her lips hovering right in front of María José’s.

“Would you like to see the bedroom?”


	4. four

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!! tw: death, grief
> 
> so this is a hard one... i kind of wanted this to just be a happy fluffy fic, but this was a major event for paulina that influenced her relationship to majo so i just wanted to include it because i didn't want to completely skip over season 2. but we all know how the story ends so hopefully this chapter isn't as shitty knowing that they are FUCKING WIVES

**BEFORE**

The last couple of months hadn’t exactly been easy on Paulina. After finding out her father was having an affair, her first instinct had been to tell her mother. She had avoided her father for days, which hadn’t been too difficult since he was always away on business. Business that Paulina now knew was rarely ever actual business, unless you counted cheating on her mom with one of her friends as “business”. The moment she had opened her mouth to tell her mother the truth, Virginia had noticed a stain on her blouse and started giving her a lecture on how unprofessional it was, how it was going to drive away customers, and what would people think? As she was changing like her mother had told her to, Paulina had decided not to tell her just yet. If a stain worried her so much, Paulina would have to find a  _ very  _ gentle way of breaking the news to her that her husband was having an affair. 

But  _ not just yet  _ turned into  _ not until after their anniversary  _ and that turned into  _ not until after this other thing _ . After a while, Paulina had started to suspect that her mother knew about what was happening, because how could she not? Since she had hired Roberta a few months ago, the two of them had grown very close due to spending so much time together. And she had to know nobody went on that many business trips. Of course, Paulina hadn’t known, but she was pretty much a child, plus she had grown up admiring her parents’ marriage. And then there was the fact that Ernesto hadn’t said a single thing to her, even though he knew that she had found out. If her mother didn’t know, wouldn’t he be panicking, asking her to keep his secret?

“Paulina?” José María waved a hand in front of Paulina’s face and she snapped out of it, only to realize that she had walked up a  _ lot  _ of stairs lost in her thoughts.

“Are you thinking about your parents again?” She and José María, who was now officially her boyfriend (although she still hadn’t introduced him to her family), had been spending so much time together he could always tell when she was feeling guilty about not telling her mother, just as she could always tell when he was feeling guilty about not being at his sister’s side.

“Yes, I’m sorry. Now what’s the surprise and what is it doing  _ here _ ?”

José María smiled. “Don’t be sorry, I know it’s a lot. Anyway,” he sang as he pulled a key out of his pocket, “my room was feeling a little too small after I decided to get my degree here.”

It took Paulina a second to process what she had just heard, but once she realized, the warm feeling inside her chest washed away every thought about her parents’ marital problems. 

“You want to move in together?”

José María blushed, letting out an awkward chuckle.

“No. I mean yes. Eventually, yes. But right now, I just wanted to live closer to you.”

“Oh.” It wasn’t that Paulina was disappointed, not really. It was a very sweet gesture, and she couldn’t believe that for a second there, she had thought her parents would let her move in with someone they didn’t even know yet, before they were married. Not to mention the fact that it was a lot easier to get to the flower shop when you lived right behind it. But it was a nice thought, getting away from her parents, especially now that she knew what her father was really doing on his  _ business trips _ . Whatever was behind that door could be the most disgusting and horrifying place on earth, and still she would be glad to live there with José María. She hadn’t even realized how much he already felt like home to her.

José María took her hand as he opened the door and they entered the apartment. It definitely wasn’t the most disgusting place on earth, nor the most horrifying.

“I’m sorry,” he said to her as she was taking things in. “I really would like to move in with you, believe me. I just think we should do things the way your family thinks they should go.”

Paulina sighed. “They don’t even do things the way they think they should go. Why do you want to?”

José María pulled her towards him and put his arms around her, planting a kiss on her forehead. “Because I need them to like me so I can marry you someday.”

\---

So they did things the way her parents felt they were supposed to go. She invited José María over for dinner with her family, where her parents asked so many questions it took them ages to eat and her siblings didn’t seem to be able to do anything besides laugh at the fact that Paulina had a boyfriend. “Do you kiss?” Julián had asked at one point and Elena had almost fallen off her chair, but overall things went better than Paulina had expected. No, José María wasn’t one of the boys Virginia had had in mind for her to marry, but he was going to be a lawyer and, as her mother had asked without showing any shame, he came from a wealthy family, which seemed to be enough for her. Her father made a comment about how José María seemed to treat her well, at which Paulina almost spit out her drink because that was a bold thing coming from a man who was cheating on his wife. She pulled herself together, though, and after José María had left, her mother pulled her aside. 

“You got a good one,” she told her, and Paulina felt like she should tell her “you didn’t”. But maybe her mother knew. Or maybe it had been a one time thing. Or maybe she should talk to her father first. Or maybe it wasn’t her place to say. So she just smiled at her mother and nodded.

“I know.”

**AFTER**

María José’s apartment in Madrid would be perfect for the three of them. Small, but cozy, right in the middle of the city, where Bruno has plenty of opportunities to go out and make new friends. But it isn’t just the three of them, because Purificación lives there, too. Paulina completely understands that María José can’t just tell her sister to move out, or leave her in this apartment by herself, so the apartment is definitely too small for the four of them. And Puri takes up a lot of emotional space as well. For María José because, as Paulina has found out, her girlfriend (she really doesn’t get tired of saying it) is always looking out for her sister. They seem to have grown a lot closer since María José returned to Spain, especially since their parents stopped talking to María José after she came out and then Puri stopped talking to them. And Paulina understands, she does, it’s just that things would be so much easier if Puri didn’t hate her so much. She’s always blamed her for keeping María José so far away from her, which she only brought up everytime they came to visit family in Spain, and after the divorce, things only got worse. Which Paulina understands, because she also hates the way she had treated the most important person in her life when she had trusted her, when she had been vulnerable and told Paulina who she really was. But they have moved past that, and she doesn’t just not like Puri, she is scared that she might do something to her in her sleep. Not that she has talked to María José about that, because her sister is the one thing that is non-debatable to her. So Paulina has just been keeping her mouth shut because she is not going to ruin this by complaining about the sister of the love of her life, and apart from that, her short time in Madrid has been wonderful. María José was so excited to show her the dresser she bought just for Paulina, and to christen the bed, of course. With four people living in the apartment, it hasn’t been easy to find time to have sex with María José, which has been hard for both of them after being apart for so long. But right now, they wave goodbye to Bruno as he closes the door behind him on his way to a friend’s house. Puri is on a trip for work, and so, after weeks and weeks, they finally have a night to themselves, and they’ve been dying to finally get to the shower. And now, they have all night. They smile at each other, and as soon as they hear the door lock, Paulina shoots towards the woman she has been craving to touch, their lips crashing together as María José guides them towards the table. She hops up, unbuttoning the blonde’s blouse as she does the same, and wraps her legs around her hips.

“I’ve missed you,” she breathes between kisses, and María José lets out a low chuckle. 

“Hello there,” she says as Paulina grabs her  _ very  _ expensive boob, but they are thrown back into reality as Paulina’s phone rings.

“Ignore it,” Paulina says as María José picks it up to look who it is, but when she pulls back and hands her the phone, she already knows it’s her family, and she knows what they’re about to tell her. They usually call earlier in the afternoon, so it’s an emergency, and an emergency means it’s Virginia. María José buttons her shirt back up as Paulina answers the phone, her voice shaking.

María José is sitting at the very table they were about to have sex on when Paulina, eyes red, finally comes back from the other room. She doesn’t have to say anything. She doesn’t have to say that the cancer finally killed her mother, she doesn’t have to say that they’re going to need to book a flight to Mexico for the funeral, she doesn’t have to say that she has no idea how she is even still standing instead of curled up in bed, she doesn’t have to say that their night is not going to be a good one, she doesn’t have to say that she has no idea how to tell Bruno, she doesn’t have to say that she wants her mom now more than ever, she doesn’t have to say that this pain is never going away, she doesn’t have to say that she wishes there was a pill that could help with this. She just stands there and looks at María José walking towards her, and just when she is about to break down and just lie on the floor, she picks her up, carries her to the bedroom, and just holds her.

“She loved you a lot, Paulina,” María José whispers into her hair.

_ I know,  _ she wants to say, but she can’t, and she doesn’t need to.


	5. five

**BEFORE**

After Paulina’s parents knew about José María, things got easier and harder at the same time. Easier because she didn’t have to sneak out of the house all the time, harder because every time her parents interrogated her about why she was going to see him, she ended up wishing she had sneaked out instead. But over the months, and later years, they seemed to realize that José María was serious about their daughter (he had left behind a country for her, after all). Once Virginia made this realization, her main project seemed to be to convey to José María that if he didn’t eventually marry Paulina, she would chase him all the way to Spain and make sure he never found happiness again. Every time he was at their house, her abuela’s ring was, conveniently, on the coffee table, just waiting for Virginia to show it around and tell stories that Paulina was pretty sure were 90% exaggeration and 10% pure imagination. Still, José María listened patiently every single time, acting surprised and fascinated and occasionally shooting Paulina an amused glance. Her mother always ended her lecture with an exaggerated sigh and the phrase “I just hope it ends up in a good person’s hands one day”. Paulina’s favorite part of this whole process was always her boyfriend’s reply, which changed every time. So far, her favorite had been when José María said, with a completely serious expression on his face, “I’m sure Julián will find a very nice girl to give it to one day.” Her twelve-year-old brother had screamed something about how girls were disgusting and her mother had almost fainted right then and there.

The comment that changed things had happened a couple of weeks afterwards, though. José María had been in a great mood all day because the semester had just ended, he and Paulina were going on vacation the next day, and then they were going to Spain to see his family. Paulina had met them, once, when they had come to Mexico to visit. His parents were nice enough, not too warm but very polite. His sister, however, hadn’t spoken to her all week, but Paulina supposed it was normal since her brother was staying across the ocean because of her. José María was excited to see them and in a particularly good mood, though, and so today when it was time for her mother’s not-so-subtle hint, he replied “I don’t think there’s a more perfect person for it then Paulina”. She had been surprised her mother hadn’t jumped out of her seat and invited all the neighbors to celebrate her accomplishment, but Virginia, very collected, just said “You’re very right”.

From that moment on, Paulina had waited for it. She thought it was going to happen on their vacation, one evening at the beach or one lazy morning in their hotel room when they were lying in bed naked, still sweaty and deliriously happy and silently agreeing that they weren’t going to leave this room today. But it didn’t happen. The sun set and they walked on the beach holding hands that evening, but there was no candlelight and no getting down on one knee. They had a lot of (admittedly great) sex that day all over their hotel room, but there was no pulling out the ring from a drawer in the nightstand and no “I want to spend every day of my life with you, Paulina de la Mora”. She thought it was going to happen in Spain, that maybe he wanted his family there when he did it, but they had dinner together almost every day and it never included a ring. 

And so here they were, on the flight back to Mexico, tired and uncomfortable. Paulina looked at José María, who was in the seat next to hers with a book. His lips were moving along with the words ever so slightly as he was reading, and Paulina suddenly felt the urge to propose to him right then and there, miles above the ocean. She actually thought it was kind of romantic, but then the guy in front of them let out a giant fart in his sleep and she scrapped her plan. Maybe not so romantic after all. She decided to ask him when he was intending to propose, later, when they weren’t on an airplane anymore. Baggage claim didn’t feel right, though, and doing it in the car on their way to the de la Mora’s house with the driver right there wasn’t exactly perfect either. 

“I’ll walk you in,” her boyfriend, who she had assumed would be her fiancé by now, offered when they arrived. They walked up to the entrance, silent and tired from their flight and the last couple of weeks. Right as José María raised his hand to knock on the door, the words escaped Paulina’s mouth even though she hadn’t meant them to.

“So are you going to ask me to marry you or what?”

Her boyfriend’s hand froze right there in the air as he laughed. “Excuse me?”

“You were all ‘that ring is perfect for Paulina’, and then we went on a romantic vacation and to see your family, and here I am without a ring on my finger.” She crossed her arms in front of her. That had come out a little cranky, which she hadn’t meant it to be, but she was exhausted from the transatlantic trip that lay behind them and the excitement that came with constantly thinking the love of her life was going to propose to her.

“Are you seriously upset about the ring? I didn’t think that was that important to you, to be honest. You’re always so annoyed when your mother pulls it out.”

“Jesus Christ, José María. It’s not the fucking ring I’m upset about,” she shouted, probably a little too loud considering how late it was.

“Then what is it?”

“I’m upset because we have been seeing each other for three years now, and I love you more than I have ever loved anybody, and you’re the best person I have ever known. I don’t need a ring or a big gesture, I just need you to tell me you want to spend the rest of your life with me.”

José María put down his bag and Paulina saw his lips curl at the edges, just like they always did when he was about to smile.

“Paulina de la Mora. Are you asking me to marry you?”

“No, I’m asking you to ask me to marry you.”

He snorted with laughter. “Oh my god, that is so romantic.”

“Will you just shut up?”

“Yes.”

“Thank you,” Paulina said, but just as she turned away to finally knock on the door of the house, he grabbed her arm.

“Not ‘yes, I’ll shut up’. ‘Yes, I’ll marry you’.”

\---

Of course they did the whole grand gesture thing as well. As it turned out, José María had been planning to propose to her the day after they got back, with her entire family there. Paulina had no idea how she had ever thought Virginia would allow a proposal that didn’t include her. There were roses, provided by  _ La Casa de las Flores _ , of course, and there was a speech about how much he loved her and how she could be the most annoying person on this planet and still she was his favorite and how staying in Mexico was the easiest thing in the world if it meant he got to spend his life with her. 

“That was a little more romantic than last night,” Paulina admitted when they finally got some privacy that night.

José María smiled and took her hand in his, looking at the ring that had finally moved from the coffee table to her hand. “Oh, I don’t know. Nothing more romantic than your jetlagged girlfriend asking ‘are you going to propose or what’ in the middle of the night.”

“Shut up,” Paulina said, but José María grinned sheepishly as he shook his head no.

Paulina only raised her eyebrows as she pulled her shirt over her head and successfully got her fiancé to shut up.

**AFTER**

She is back in Mexico. Not for long, but for longer than just the couple of days they stayed for the funeral, and Paulina is enjoying it. She’s sitting in bed scrolling through her phone when María José puts down the book she’s been reading on her side of the bed and leans over, pressing a kiss to Paulina’s shoulder.

“I really feel like taking a shower, don’t you?” she whispers in that low voice that always lets Paulina know that she wants to do more than just take a shower. She considers saying that she is too tired, but the truth is that the whole Diego thing hasn’t been letting her sleep and tonight isn’t going to be any different. Besides, María José might be more horny than usual, but they haven’t been able to be intimate ever since Virginia died. Not that her mother has anything to do with Paulina’s sex life, but grief does. Puri’s constant bullying does. And although you might think that her constant fighting with María José might contribute positively, it hasn’t. Being back in Mexico, surrounded by family and with a better chance to get back at Diego, has been making Paulina feel better, though, so she folds back the covers on the bed and takes her shirt off as she marches to the bathroom. She had a shower just a couple hours ago, but showers are significantly less fun alone.

María José, already naked and her breathing heavy by the time she enters the bathroom, watches with a smile on her face as her girlfriend undresses and steps into the shower, which is about a thousand times bigger than the one they have in Madrid. Warm water starts running down Paulina’s back, almost simultaneous to the shivers the naked woman in front of her sends down her spine when she gets right down to it and runs her hand along the inside of her thigh, which she knows drives Paulina crazy.

“Are you sure you want to do this? I know you haven’t been able to since-”

“Shut up,” Paulina whispers as she guides the blonde’s hand further up between her legs, pressing it firmly to where it should be. María José obeys, kissing her passionately as the brunette’s grip tightens around her arm.

\---

Paulina wakes up to María José brushing her hair out of her face.

“Good morning,” she whispers, pressing a soft kiss to her mouth before she adds, “Last night was nice.”

Paulina just nods, sitting up and brushing her hand along her girlfriend’s arm before she grabs her phone. The truth is, she just can’t deal with María José right now. She loves her very much and can’t imagine what she would do without her by her side, but she is just so rational all the time. She’s been so tender with Paulina since her mother died, so understanding, but she won’t allow her to grieve the way she needs to. She won’t allow her to be angry. And Paulina knows that it’s the right thing to do, that she shouldn’t be saying “Let’s kill the asshole together” and commit murder with Paulina, but she knows that eventually the conversation will turn to “you should go talk to someone about your feelings to process things” and they’ll end up fighting again, which she doesn’t have the energy for. Because Paulina doesn’t want to talk about her feelings and  _ just deal  _ with her mother’s death. She wants to honor her, make her proud, by getting revenge on Diego. Virginia’s death isn’t something you just  _ get over _ , and María José doesn’t seem to understand, because her parents are assholdes who cut her off as soon as she came out. Not that Virginia was perfect, either, but at least she tried. She was the one who told Paulina not to let María José get away again all those months ago.

María José puts her hand on Paulina’s arm.

“Are you okay? Do you need anything?”

Paulina sighs, holding back tears at how her girlfriend always has to be so caring, attempting to solve problems that she can’t solve. But Diego is something that can be solved, something that Paulina can solve, and so she is going to focus on that until she doesn’t have to anymore, until she isn’t in so much pain that she needs something to channel it into anymore.

“I just need some space,” she says quietly.

“Paulina, I understand that you’re grieving,” María José replies. “But I just need you to tell me how I can help.”

“I just told you I need you to leave me alone.”

“That’s not- You want me to just leave? To have you go through this alone? That’s really the most valuable I am to you? I need things too, you know.”

“Please just shut up.” Paulina is quiet, but firm, the seriousness in her voice unmistakable.

“Paulina, could you please-”

“Shut up,” Paulina says again, getting out of bed to get breakfast and to get away. María José doesn’t follow her. Maybe she’s finally realized that the best thing she can do for Paulina right now is to keep her distance and be ready when she asks for help. Or maybe she’s just thinking about the argument they’re inevitably going to have later. She is a lawyer, after all.

**Author's Note:**

> A couple of things:
> 
> \- I haven't written anything in a long time and English isn't my first language so I'm very sorry. Sadly my Spanish probably equals that of a first grader and writing this in my first language would limit the audience drastically so today I offer you: this. Tomorrow: who knows. Being able to write about Majolina in Spanish is a major motivation for me, so maybe I'll magically become fluent after watching the wedding for the 17824892373298th time.
> 
> \- I'm not from Mexico or even from any Spanish-speaking country, and I do not know what it's like to be trans, I'm just writing about some characters that I love. I'm trying my very best, but if you do find I've portrayed anything the wrong way, please let me know because I obviously don't want to offend anyone. 
> 
> \- I have no idea where I'm going with this story or how long it's going to be, but I hope you enjoy it as much as I'm enjoying writing it.


End file.
